We get a call from our friend Kevin Pang at the Chicago Tribune and help him spread the word about an important cause. Then Shawn and Garrett each reveal new inventions and we discuss bullet teeth and what not to wear.

So how long will it take before somebody decides to one-up this rapper fellow and use mini-ICBM rockets for teeth? Or little tanks (although those would likely be green in color, and who wants green teeth – aside from Kermit the Frog, of course. Except he doesn’t have teeth…)

Wait… what?

If Kermit the frog released a rap album that featured him grinning with miniature tanks for teeth you could consider it purchased. Someone phone him.

I suggest weapon-grade laser beams emitters for teeth… yeah, think about that.

Come to think of it, there are all sorts of untapped weapon-tooth possibilities. I mean, knife teeth is one that would at least be more useful for cutting up your food while chewing.

And then there are swiss army knife teeth. You have a whole survival tools galore with ya at all times… Probably presents a slight problem at the airport though.

Robo-cop teeth.

Chainsaw teeth. But the stench of the gas/oil mix might take some of the enjoyment out of it.

Tony Jaa teeth… that will beat da crap out of your food?

Switch Blade teeth.

Slingshot teeth. Maybe utilizing those little rubber bands for braces.

Why not go fully explosive? If bullet teeth would blow your head up, imagine having those old cartoon-y black ball bombs for teeth. Sure it would take a minute to actually chew properly, but then you would just explode…

razor blade teeth, you could use them to slice your food and shave…
i live where they don’t have fish tacos, could i get a box of those too?

Although knife like teeth would be hell on the gums…

I like the idea of ‘mouth-make’ pancakes. the waffles sounds pretty good as well. Bananas… not my type.

I like how the mouth Pancakes require you to stick your head in the oven…what temperature?

I think 350F for about 2-5 minutes should do. A little longer if you like your pancakes dark.

I don’t know what the big deal is with the rapper teeth thing…I mean the only way anybody is going to see them is if the rapper is smiling, which is strictly un-tough in my book. I see a rapper not smiling and I turn the other way, but a rapper with a big grin and I’m thinking, “what a nice guy, I bet he has candy”, regardless of bullet teeth, ninja teeth or corn scyth teeth.

Thanks Garret, I was wondering, instead of just gnawing on my pancake in the oven, could I just cram my head in a waffle iron?

@ Cjudd, if he offers you the candy TAKE IT!! And a ride in his un-marked van if he offers it as well.

Vans are cozy. A smiling rapper in a cozy van? That seems like a recipe for adventure. Maybe we can drive around in his van and solve mysteries.

@Splinter Yes, you can absolutely substitute a waffle iron for the oven. Just make sure you get your whole face between the burners.

The fashion advice (putting Bugles on fingertips) reminded me of the SNL Corn Chip Nail Tips sketch, where corn chips were used as press-on nails. Still seems like an excellent way to satisfy fashion and snacking concerns simultaneously. Perhaps the Bugle variation will finally catch on.

“I do have to warn you, you will s**t blood tonight” LOL u guys rock!!! must say ur absolutely the BEST ^^

Yeah…They’re the best until their warning comes true… akwardly looks at back of pants

man i wish you guys didn’t destroy the banana maker, i would buy it.